As I sat, just now, with a sweet little wrapped in my arms, enjoying his bottle, my own little popped down the stairs and randomly said, “You’re SO good at dat, mommy!”
“What? Feeding Graham his bottle?”-me
“Nope. Not dat. At being mommy. You da best at lovin!”-B
Brent bounded right off at the same speed he arrived, not awaiting any type of reply. Yet he left his mommy speechless, with grateful tears instantly streaming down my cheeks. I felt overwhelmed last night, okay, all of yesterday, yes with the virus, but also… just with life, with me. Ever had one of those days? I was grateful, I am grateful, BUT I am also full of expectations, selfish desires, and a long-standing love/hate relationship with perfectionism. Long story short, I am still a sinner. SURPRISE!!!! (Not at all, I hope.) I have been redeemed in SO many ways, praise HIM, but wooftie do I still have so much to release, so much of me… Yet, just like my son (AND my husband, the true front-runner, really), my Father sees my frustrating days, the days I fall short and come off as snippy and lacking patience… and STILL He meets me in my tears of defeat and says, “You, there crying tears, you are SO great to me, still.” He floods this truth back into my heart through the sweet, intentional words of my three-year old. The same little who saw a twitch of “cray cray” in his mommy’s eyes yesterday as we battled a stomach virus on no sleep, solo.
I don’t always feel deserving of Brent’s (my Father’s) sweet compliments, like today, or of his endless love, I don’t. I make wrong choices minute to minute, but one choice I refuse to give up on, a choice that I didn’t really make, for myself, until my mid twenties, one I sometimes need a nudge “back” towards… is to LOVE THROUGH those days. JUST like how my Father, my life love, and my son CHOOSE to love me, undeserving, THROUGH both the hills and valleys of this life. Love… y’all, when spilled, it FILLS a tired mama back up to full. Love leaves a child feeling taken care of, even on the rough days where frustrations and germs reign over snuggles and grace. Love, even currently states apart, encourages and restores. LOVE!!!, it meets us where we are and it covers us, continually pursues us, and it changes us!
So, for now, I will thank the Lord for that needed bout of encouragement, I will take another CHERISHED sip of my coffee, cold, but there, and I will smile my way through today knowing that I don’t do it all right, I don’t, but I do just fine by love, just fine, and that counts SO much more in my book. Here’s to silencing those other silly standards (through comparison, perfectionism, etc) that I (we) set and allow to pierce me (us) with “false” failure and lies, because when it comes to love, Truth always rings louder, and I (we) have the BEST examples before me, I (we) do. Just another dose of real, y’all. Off we go, CHOOSING to LOVE (all, ourselves included) THROUGH… #herewegrowagainandagain